Murphy's Laws
If anything can go wrong, it will.
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong
If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which something can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop. Corollary: It will be impossible to fix the fifth fault, without breaking the fix on one or more of the others.
If you want something bad enough, chances are you won't get it.
If you think you are doing the right thing, chances are it will back-fire in your face.
When waiting for traffic, chances are that when one lane clears the other is congested.
Just when you think things cannot get any worse, they will.
Remember the "Boomerang" effect; Whatever you do will always come back.
If you react to actions, you've acted on actions.
He who angers you controls you, therefore you have no control over your anger.
A paint drip will always find the hole in the newspaper and land on the carpet underneath (and will not be discovered until it has dried).
A dropped power tool will always land on the concrete instead of the soft ground (if outdoors) or the carpet (if indoors) - unless it is running, in which case it will fall on something it can damage (like your foot).
If a dish is dropped while removing it from the cupboard, it will hit the sink, breaking the dish and chipping or denting the sink in the process.
A valuable dropped item will always fall into an inaccessible place (a diamond ring down the drain, for example) - or into the garbage disposal while it is running.
If you use a pole saw to saw a limb while standing on an aluminum ladder borrowed from your neighbor, the limb will fall in such a way as to bend the ladder before it knocks you to the ground.
If you pick up a chunk of broken concrete and try to pitch it into an adjacent lot, it will hit a tree limb and come down right on the driver's side of your car windshield.
The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
If you fool around with a thing for very long you will screw it up.
If it jams - force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.
Everyone has a scheme for getting rich
In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there.
There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over.
When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.
Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.
Murphy's golden rule: whoever has the gold makes the rules.
A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference.
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
No good deed goes unpunished.
No matter how long or how hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.
The other line always moves faster.
It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw. Corollary: The hidden flaw never stays hidden for long.
