Ham's Rules of Life.
1. Respect your elders. When you are born you know nothing. When you die you will have learned everything you will ever know.
2. Don't waste food.
3. Don't lie. They will know when you do, and they'll never trust you again.
4. Choose a mate with whom you can confide...most of the time.
5. Don't hit girls.
6. Have a dog in your house, or two.
7. Don't eat too much, and feed everyone a little bit.
8. Find a teacher. Although you think you are pretty smart, there are always those who are smarter and you can learn from them.
9. Understand your intoxication tolerances. Don't call sober friends when you are toasted.
10. Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
11. Treat each day as if it were your last, it might be.
12. Visit the elderly and shut-ins. You'll be old soon enough.
13. Create things, invent, make music and art, catalog and share.
14. Call your friends on a regular basis.
15. Be honest with yourself if with no one else. You are your own best critic and you have no one to answer to but yourself.
16. If God created man, be kind to all men. Understand the need to find shelter in religion.
17. Realize that you are a small bug living a short life. Do what you can with what you have.
18. Say kind things to everyone. Being nasty will return nothing but anger and will not bring about peace.
19. There are only four things all life-forms need: air, warmth, food and to reproduce.
20. There are only two reasons to kill: food and self-defense.
21. Don't watch the boxing channel until you realize it is you who are angry.
22. Experiment. The worst thing to do is to pontificate without knowledge.
23. By age seven, your children will have learned all of the morals you can teach them.